I don’t really like October

Somewhere in the past, somebody left in October. Another also left in October.  The former left to another hemisphere of the earth while the latter left for a new stage in life. So it is normal (?) if I always welcome October cautiously.  Triggers are everywhere.

And yet this October will be full of drama



I should be so depressed at the moment, after failing (another) master’s scholarship application, failing to meet a dearest old friend after 2 years since last meeting (and 6 months of silence), the AirAsia QZ8501 accident which triggered all emotions from 2012’s Sukhoi accident, and watching a friend with his significant other sharing some good times while here I am standing and pouring all those feelings out (and secretly hoping to not meeting any of them again). That was stupid and momentarily though, I should not be expecting to not meeting any of them. In fact they have been such good friends, it’s just me who found it damn hard to face reality as it is and stay too long in the past.

Anyway, to ease such pain, I decided to make a list of things that happened throughout 2014 that I should be hugely grateful of. Even though the year 2014 ended quite chaotic for me, I believe there will be something good come through this messed-up yearend, maybe this year, maybe 2 yrs from now, maybe 10 yrs from now, God knows 🙂

1. Graduation ! After another depressing episode in the past of doing my undergraduate thesis, dealing with those daphnids, struggling and pleading to be permitted to have the examination before new semester started, finally I tackled the exam on January 17th (new semester started at January 20th!) and enjoyed a bit of the ceremony on April

2. First job. I was offered to fill-in my thesis partner in assisting our advisor on an EIA project for 500 kV transmission line for the national electricity company. The project is still ongoing until now (national company’s habit) but we are hoping to finish this by April. Nonetheless, so far the project taught me a lot of things and gave me chance to work with the assistants (my classmates). We have been stuck here for a long time and hopefully we’ll end this soon enough !

3. Prothumia Camp. I have been a long time fan of Christian apologetics but did not have any chance to learn it thoroughly. So when I saw this announcement of apologetics camp at South East Asia Bible Seminary , Malang, East Java, I was so attracted but I did not apply immediately. After finding myself drown in apologetics questions, I applied on the last minute. So many knowledge and faith-strengthening insights. Sometimes we do not ask questions because we are afraid that the answers will not make us satisfied, or worse, disappointed. I am so grateful that in this camp I got the answers to the questions I were afraid to ask.

4. Second job. Since the EIA project progresses very very slow (typical national company), I decided to apply for another job while keep applying scholarships. Submitting my application 2 days late than the actual deadline for the position, I found out that they replied my application pretty fast and offered me a full time job in the interview! This ordinary motion turned out to be super extraordinary when the projects we were involved in are in fact challenging my personal skill while at the same time facilitate what I have been longing for : working with foreigners. The project were super time-and-commitment-consuming but I am so beyond grateful to finally finish the project. Combined with the responsibility trusted on me, words cannot express how grateful I am.

5. My best friend wedding. It was super fun to be part of my besties wedding, the 1st year college gank returned to have some fun and witnessed the happiest moment in our friend’s life

6. Christmas Eve service. As I have mentioned before in #4, the project my office was involved in made me unable to craft any ideas for the XMas Eve service, where I was assigned to accompany. Thank God on the D-1 day, I found out that the choir conductor’s husband has been longing to play in the service (If only I found that out earlier!). So we had practice in the morning and played in the evening. Turned out the congregation was really enthusiastic to sing the songs in the liturgy.  I could say that my comeback as an accompanist after 2 month hiatus just made my day, while earlier at the same day I found out that another scholarship application was just turned down. It was such a blessing to close that day.

There were lots of things that happened that should be grateful of and I cannot made a detailed list of everything. At the end of this post I just want to wish everyone a happy and memorable new year! Stay thankful (to me also) !

Being Grateful, Finally


There is no exact measurement of gratitude , but most of us expressing gratitude when things are good.  When everything goes well, when it shines the brightest, when things go as planned, seeing discount banners at the mall, an exceptional grade on a difficult subject, a good plan executed flawlessly, you named it. 

On the contrary ? Hang there, not so easy . A hard path walked alone , an argument unheard , being misunderstood, being hold responsible , and the list keep going way down, not even close to an end.  What left there was grief , despair, cynicism, and so on .

After what happened to me in the last 3 years, I think I  just figured out something.  I was once given a task ,not so hard, but I made it worse by finding no reinforcement due to my lack of experience in persuading people. I had to manage things and people alone, for almost 3 years.  It was depressing.  Not only the task itself , but the responsibility to make sure everything goes well is soul-consuming.  Trying to get some attention but few actually really cared.  In the end finally nailed the tasks , week by week, month by month.

Now, another fellow who got the same job description got so many help and affection from another people.   Looking back at what happened , I was surprised that I was actually able to nail the tasks alone , just because of His grace.  I could have ended up in a worse mental state , thanks God He kept me sane enough to stay.

Bad experiences teach us to be grateful .  Not only as comparison, but as a lesson as well as a milestone, how God has been with us through all the storms.  I try to believe the saying that ” one day you will be grateful for the whole history that happened in your life” . Just started the journey to be there 😉




picture source : http://blogs.jamaicans.com/micanbe/files/2011/10/gratitude.jpg . this new wordpress template has not been familiar yet to me :p

The Time To Trust

When is the time to trust?

Is it when all is calm, when waves the victor’s palm, and life is one glad psalm of joy and praise?

Nay, but the time to trust is when the waves beat high, when storm clouds fill the sky, and prayer is one long cry,

“O help and save”


When is the time to trust?

Is it when friends are true, is it when comforts woo, and in all we say and do, we meet but praise?

Nay, but the time to trust is when we stand alone, and summer birds have flown, and every prop is gone

All else but God!


When is the time to trust?

When you have tried your way, and learned to trust and pray, by bitter woe?

Nay, but the time to trust is in this moment’s need. Poor broken, bruised reed. Poor troubled soul, make speed

To trust Thy God


When is the time to trust?

Is it when hopes beat high, the sunshine guilds the sky, and joy and ecstasy fill all the heart?

Nay , but the time to trust is when joy is fled, when sorrow bows the head, and all is cold and dead,

all else but God



(Taken from 101 More Hymn Stories by Kenneth W. Osbeck)

A Thin Line

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.” -Paulo Coelho

There is a thin line between hope and despair. There is equal gravity from both sides , pulling you apart, should you ever walk on that line . It’s extremely exhausting to walk there, isn’t it ?

If I have to tell from my experiences, I have been on the despair side more often *grin* . So, even though I know perfectly that to hope for the best is the right thing, sometimes things just don’t make any sense at all. But then again, I guess that’s what this life offers. A journey worthwhile, regardless of what turns out

*I write this in this thin line state. I hope I could see soon enough what this journey has taught me all along*


The Daily Routine Trap

Hupla!  So right now I am guarding the backstage of an ongoing piano competition.  I was wondering what I’ve been doing these all times.

Have you ever felt like you are doing something you don’t know what for? I have.  I didn’t know why I was doing these things : playing music,writing,teaching,reading, beside going to college.  Back then,I guess doing those things in the same time looks so challenging and interesting. I just don’t know why I don’t feel thesame.
Ah, I remember my late uncle once wrote about the essence of working and finding the meaningof life.  If God wants me to do a certain job, He definitely will provide the thing needed,if only I take a closer look on what I was about to be in the thing I was doing.

I was trapped in the daily routine. I just did things because I needed them to be done.  I was tied with regulations, forced responsibility, and guilt for not doing the job. I was becoming the job’s slave.

“Do what you need to be done. God does not put you somewhere on accident.  There must be something He wants you to achieve there” #notetoself.

*Trying to look for some directions on the crossroads of life* 🙂


Eternal Father, Strong to Save

So I was randomly looking up my Twitter’s Timeline when I found an interesting work by Hans Zimmer . Hans Zimmer is an award-winning composer famously noted for his work in movie scores , such as Inception, Batman Begins, Gladiator , and many more .  He composed Crimson Tides (1995) movie score, one of them titled Roll Tide . Roll Tide is the ending theme of this naval-themed movie . What amazed me is that this song includes an excerpt from the hymn “Eternal Father, Strong to Save” as written below :

Eternal Father, strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who bidd’st the mighty ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

O Christ! Whose voice the waters heard
And hushed their raging at Thy word,
Who walkedst on the foaming deep,
And calm amidst its rage didst sleep;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

Most Holy Spirit! Who didst brood
Upon the chaos dark and rude,
And bid its angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

O Trinity of love and power!
Our brethren shield in danger’s hour;
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect them wheresoe’er they go;
Thus evermore shall rise to Thee
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

This hymn  was written by William Whiting for his student who was about to travel to the US . The tune, composed by John B. Dykes, is called “Melita” , which is associated with the Malta Island. This hymn is strongly associated with the US and British naval services. They even have many versions for various jobs in the naval services 🙂

I like this hymn as it reminds me of how God never fails to save us in this peril on the sea of life . He holds the storms, He holds the wave, and He guides our boat along our life-long journey 🙂